Four Ways to be a More Godly Man

Society says men ought to be tough, unfeeling, braggarts; but what does the Bible say?

References “Intimate Allies” by Dan B. Allender and Tremper Longman III

Pastors preach incessantly about what is expected of women– femininity, submission and nurturing. But, what about men? How are they supposed to act? It can be assumed scripture was written by men, and most of the people mentioned are men, but why are so few sermons aimed at specifying what Godly men should look like?

“Intimate Allies,” a marriage guidebook from Dan B. Allender and Tremper Longman III attempts to add some detail to the sketchy ideas many Christians have about how husbands ought to pursue the Lord and support their wives.

Psalm 112

Proverbs 31– many women have come to fear it and the expectations it places on them. Turns out there is a passage in Psalms that can be considered a “Proverbs 31 for men,” chapter 112.

A Godly Man:

1. Fears the Lord and delights in his commandments.

Biblical manhood involves understanding you are not the most important being in the universe. You acknowledge you were created by something more powerful and more holy than yourself who deserves your respect and reverence. This ought to instill a sense of humility that permeates the rest of your life.

“The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom, and before honor is humility.” (Prov. 15:33 NKJV) Could this verse be any clearer? A humble heart pleases God; one consumed by pride does not. Consider the example of Jesus Christ– you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone with anymore right to boast about the planet, yet he spent some of his final hours as a free man washing the mud off his followers’ feet. If the Son of God made one of his final lessons about humility, we’d do best to model it.

Yet, many men find themselves taking advantage of any Biblical foothold to lord over those around them. They rush so quickly to Eph. 5:22 to crow over the exhortation that wives submit to their husbands they miss the commandment one verse before it urging all believers to submit to one another out of respect for the Lord.

2. He is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous.

But, aren’t these, “girlie,” qualities? Not according to the Bible. Sin’s influence on culture has so skewed our perception of masculinity it has practically tied a knot in it. Instead of embracing a balanced view of manhood, many men excise any qualities in themselves that could be construed as feminine– and, therefore, “weak.”

Gracious is not being able to spin around on pointed toe without toppling over, it’s selflessness– responding to praise with modesty, not taking advantage of an opportunity to put someone down or make them feel foolish, and considering the needs of others before your own. Compassion– another quality men struggle with because they often don’t experience much of it. You hurt yourself? Rub some dirt on it. Your puppy died? Men don’t cry. Um, yes they do, and Jesus did. Jesus was compassionate. Much of his ministry was just walking around healing people. He made a special trip to comfort Mary and Martha and pay his respects after Lazarus died.

The life of Christ shows men that displaying “feminine” qualities is not quite the emasculating nightmare most think it is. As the authors discuss in their book, and as is discussed in this other article about (biblical manhood), men possess some “feminine” characteristics. They just may not be as obvious or powerful as they are in women (particularly after society spends decades beating them down). It’s the job of Godly wives to draw these qualities out of their husbands in order that they might more fully manifest the whole character of God. And it’s the job of Godly husbands to see and accept where their wives are nudging them into being Godly men, not just “manly” men.

3. He will not be afraid of evil tidings; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is established; he will not be afraid…

If Disney has taught us anything, it’s that men aren’t afraid of anything (and have killer bone structure, are witty, and can sing to rival Elton John) – which is all completely silly. No one ought to be fearless. Fear is a healthy emotion that alerts us to danger and keeps from us from inadvertently killing ourselves. But neither should we allow fear to paralyze us, thus preventing us from doing what is necessary. As the manliest of men, John Wayne, said, “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.”

It is times of uncertainty, (your house is in foreclosure or your child battles a life-threatening illness), that weigh upon your faith and test its strength. Our frail human nature finds few tasks more difficult than trusting that whatever awful thing going on in our life truly is what is best. But, as Deuteronomy 31 tells us, God will never abandon us. That is our source of courage. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.” (Nahum 1:7 NKJV)

4. He has given to the poor

It’s easy to forget charity. Every day nuisances and obligations demand so much of your attention you neglect to look for what else lies undone. And if money is tight, it can be hard to justify putting it toward anything but necessities. But you don’t have to quit your job or give half your paycheck away to “do good.” Look at the example of the poor widow in Mark 12. She literally only had two dimes to rub together, but she gave them both to the Lord. Now, I’m not trying to say if you don’t risk not paying your mortgage, you’re not giving enough, but everyone can give something. No organization that genuinely wants to help people will turn up its nose at $5. And you can donate to charities such as Habitat for Humanity for free; all you need do is show up to one of their construction sites ready to work.

But, giving is not what’s important. It’s that you want to give. Remember 2 Cor. 9:7– “God loves a cheerful giver.” You should want to do what you can to help the “widows and orphans.” That was why the widow’s donation was praised. It wasn’t necessarily because she gave sacrificially, but because she gave without reservation. She longed to see the Lord’s work done; otherwise, she wouldn’t have given “all she had to live on.” The Pharisees before her gave more, but they gave out of pride and abundance. They had more money than they knew what to do with. It was nothing but an arrogant performance for them to put a fat check in the collection plate.

Christian Counseling To Become A Godly Man

Understanding how to reconcile society’s demands of you as a man with scripture’s is difficult. If you’d like someone to sit down with you and talk about how you could apply the principles of Psalm 112 to your own marriage, make an appointment with a professional Christian counselors. They’re not interested in humiliating you or making you feel like less of a man for admitting your uncertainty or talking about your feelings. They just want to help you become the husband and father God (and your family) want you to be. Find a Christian Counselor in Seattle who will apply psychological skills and Biblical principles to help you bring your role as a husband and father better into alignment with God’s design.

Images cc: freedigitalphotos.com – “Bible” by Janaka Dharmasena
“Confident Father Carrying His Son On Shoulder” by stockimages
“Poor Or Rich Directions” by Stuart Miles