Mindful Living: Personal Reflections of a Christian Counselor

As the oldest of four children and the only girl, I have taken on many of the stereotypes of a first-born child. Although there are benefits to being driven, detail oriented, and a leader (maybe even a little bossy), there are a few other qualities I would prefer to leave behind. Growing up, I was often concerned with the future and easily overcome by stress, and I struggled to simply enjoy a stage of life or a moment. I was also quick to cast judgment on myself in the hope that it would push me to be better. Some people might think that in order to be a therapist or counselor you need to have your life in order and all your “issues” sorted out. I can confidently say that if that was the case we would have zero therapists today. With that said, I want to highlight something I have been working on in my own life that has also benefitted my clients. Mindfulness was introduced to me during my graduate studies and has been a consistent part of my life since then.

What Mindfulness is Not

Before I expand upon what mindfulness is, I want to touch on what mindfulness is not. It is not:

• About one specific religion
• Stereotypical mediation (sitting cross-legged on the floor, etc.)
• Time consuming
• Complicated
• Stopping you from achieving more

What is Mindfulness?

Ok, now for what mindfulness actually is. Most mindfulness exercises consist of focusing on the breath as it goes in and out of your body. Focusing on your breath allows you to observe your thoughts as they come and go without judging them. According to Mark Williams and Danny Penman in their book Mindfulness: An Eight Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World (2001), “Mindfulness is about observation without criticism; being compassionate with yourself. When unhappiness or stress hovers overhead, rather than taking it all personally, you learn to treat them as if they were black clouds in the sky, and to observe them with friendly curiosity as they drift past.” (p. 5) Mindfulness exercises can focus on anything from your thoughts, the physical sensations of your body, or observations of the world around you. One of the best parts is that you can practice it anywhere and for any amount of time. Whether in the car, lying in bed at night, or sitting at your desk at work, you can take a few moments to graciously attend to your thoughts and breathing.

Why Mindfulness?

You may be thinking, “Well of course a counselor thinks I should focus on my breathing and slow down to pay attention to my thoughts, but does this stuff actually do anything?” And to that I would say … Great question. According to Williams and Penman (2011), “Scientific studies have shown that mindfulness not only prevents depression, but that it also positively affects the brain patterns underlying day to day anxiety, stress, depression, and irritability, so that when they arise, they dissolve away again more easily.” (p. 5) When you start to feel sad, stressed, or irritable, it is not the mood that does the damage but rather how you react to it. Williams and Penman (2011) also note that, “Thousands of peer-reviewed scientific papers prove that mindfulness enhances mental and physical wellbeing and reduces chronic pain. Clinical trials show that mindfulness is at least as effective as the main prescription painkillers while also enhancing the body’s natural healing systems.” (p. 5) I also find it important to note that the alternative to mindfulness, namely, beating yourself up and judging, criticizing, and condemning your thoughts, will most certainly lead to symptoms of anxiety or depression.

What Does Mindfulness Look Like?

One of the most important aspects of mindfulness is noting that thoughts come and go on their own, and that you are not your thoughts. An example might look like this:

 

THOUGHT: “I made a mistake on a project at work today.”

↓

EMOTIONS: disappointment, embarrassment, shame, guilt

↓

BELIEF: “I’m useless.”

 

Can you see how quickly that can happen? One thought can lead to a statement about a person’s whole worth. This is where mindfulness steps in to change the pattern of thoughts and to remind us to treat them as passing moments instead of defining beliefs. Thoughts will always come and go, but we have the choice whether or not to act on them. Mindfulness works by stepping in to offer grace and acceptance to our thoughts and experiences, without them becoming beliefs or spiraling emotions. The goal is to move away from critical thoughts, such as, “I am an awkward person” to a more accepting observations, such as, “I felt awkward in that interaction today.”

Mindfulness and Christian Counseling

Personally, mindfulness has changed the way I enjoy my favorite dessert, a beautiful sunset, morning runs, and moments with clients. By regularly practicing mindfulness, I have been able to make strides in my ability to release control to God, be present in the moment, and find peace in the midst of life’s chaos. This has been particularly helpful as a first-born child who naturally desires control and demands a lot of herself.

As a Christian counselor, I have also seen mindfulness impact the daily lives of my clients. It has been a helpful tool for slowing down anxious thoughts in session and being present in situations outside our control. Mindfulness also encourages clients to be increasingly gentle with themselves. I use mindfulness as a tool in counseling sessions and send clients home with exercises to practice on their own.
If you are feeling a need to work on being gentle with yourself, mindfulness might be a good first step.