Seeking Solitude: Benefits and Potential Pitfalls

Solitude comes from the Latin word solitudinem, which means “loneliness,” but if you have moments of solitude that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. The word solitude carries the sense that you’re enjoying being alone by choice.

Consider the following:

Jesus came to them and said, ”All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” – Matthew 28:18-20, NIV

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This passage points out at least three things we all need to embrace.

• Jesus – who is God – is in charge of our lives.
• We are beings that require social structure.
• God never fully leaves us to our own devices, but we are free to choose to obey, or not.

Having said that, where does solitude (which many people crave) fit into our lives and mental health?

Being alone with our thoughts does not make it intrusive for God to be present. So I would say that solitude is not just aloneness but a freedom to think and plan our own direction. I believe God does not force us to his will but teaches us what is good for us, and we can choose to live in obedience or rebellion.

If you are like me, we sometimes crave to be alone and in Solitude. There are many good things to be learned while alone. One of my favorite Bible passages is the following:

Then the word of the Lord came to Elijah: ”Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. You will drink from the brook, and I have directed the ravens to supply you with food there.” So he did what the Lord had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there. The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook. Some time later the brook dried up because there had been no rain in the land. – 1 Kings 17:2-7, NIV

Elijah was alone and obeying what God told him to do, but things did not work in the way he may have thought they should. Being alone and feeling alone are not the same and solitude gives us time to ask the right questions. What is really important?

Seeking solitude

I have just come off a vacation of travel. It was a need I felt to have some downtime but also to explore a part of the world of which I had little understanding and no hands-on experience. I went to Morocco and Portugal. This is not a travel log so I will not say any more than it was good and quite different from where I live in the northwest of the U.S.A.

As a therapist, I notice that some of my clients tend to isolate themselves and often object to concepts that they have not experienced themselves. I believe we all feel a need to have some solitude in our lives. But what is really going on when we are isolating ourselves?

Being alone is sometimes by choice, and other times it’s a pattern, or perhaps a fear we fall into without realizing it. I might suggest it is part of how we are made. So what are we valuing when we seek solitude?

We value solitude

Many people are not extroverts and find rest in solitude, it’s all about recharge. It’s where they refuel, unwind, and get back in sync with themselves. The freedom factor is important. When you’re on your own, there’s no need to compromise or cater to anyone else’s agenda. That is a big part of a vacation for me – it’s the freedom to do whatever I want when I want. We all need some peace and quiet.

Solitude is like a little oasis of calm. I saw some pretty impressive oases in Morocco. It is where life is happening. It does feel good to have some time with your thoughts. To not be challenged by every outside voice that enters the scene.

A different perspective on friendships

An interesting thing about people who keep to themselves is how they see friendships. I have friends who don’t fit the norm and who are pretty confident in themselves. They don’t have to impress me nor I them. We can accept people for who they are even when they are different from us.

For some, it is all about deep, meaningful connections. I truly like being with people who know each other, Groups that count on each other and have deep talks with each other, rather than a bunch of superficial buddies. Having only a few deep friendships is not a bad thing – but it’s one of those traits that often pops up in folks who isolate themselves without even knowing it.

Solitude provides a heightened sense of self-awareness

In psychology, self-awareness refers to recognizing oneself as distinct from surroundings and others. Studies suggest that those who spend more time alone tend to develop heightened self-awareness. This awareness enables us to better understand our thoughts and emotions, fostering introspection. Introspection is important and difficult to do but can be fulfilling. Spending time alone may decrease the desire for social interaction.

When in solitude we become more self-reliant

These folks often prefer trusting their own abilities and judgment rather than seeking outside help or advice. Whether in personal matters or the professional realm, they opt to tackle challenges solo, even if it means a tougher road to resolution. While self-reliance is admirable, it can exacerbate isolation. By consistently choosing independence, they inadvertently push others away, reinforcing their solitary tendencies.

Negatively, we show a strong need for control

Sometimes, those who isolate themselves from others do so because of a deep-seated need for control or fear that they are not what they want the world to see. Some individuals might feel more in control when they’re alone because they think they are free from the unpredictability of others. Others may isolate themselves to avoid situations where they feel they have no control.

Being alone can often lead to a rich inner world

Those who isolate often indeed harbor a vibrant inner world. Time alone can fuel deep reflection. It can birth imaginative scenarios and profound thoughts. But what’s the flip side of this tendency? If we isolate ourselves we can become further drawn to the richness within. This tendency may go unnoticed, but it’s a hallmark of unintentional isolation. It underscores how solitude breeds creativity and insight.

When we are alone we may value quality over quantity in relationships

Many people relish solitude, I’ve always preferred quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. For me, genuine connections outweigh a crowd of superficial ones any day. I treasure bonds forged through mutual understanding and shared experiences.

Yet, this preference can unwittingly distance us from others. We might have solitary pursuits like diving into a good book or contemplating our thoughts, but this behavior further separates us. It’s not that we shun society or disdain company; we simply crave depth.

Avoiding emotional dependence

People who often isolate themselves could be avoiding emotional dependence on others. Generally, they tend to be more self-contained when it comes to their emotions. We might prefer to process feelings independently, rather than sharing them or seeking comfort from others.

Some people are highly interpersonal and need others to affirm their thoughts Those who are more into solitude tend toward emotional independence. Avoidance of emotional dependence is one of the reasons people find themselves alone.

If we are seeking solitude we need to find contentment

Here’s the thing about folks who choose to be alone: they’re often happy in their own company. It’s not that they feel lonely when solo; they actually find solace, peace, and a sense of freedom in solitude that’s hard to come by in social scenes.

The kicker is that being alone can unknowingly take us further into isolation. Understanding this sheds light on why some folks lean toward solitude over socializing.

Final thoughts: it’s about understanding, not judgment

When it comes to human behavior, the key lies in understanding rather than judging. We are social creatures. We tend to live in cities. We have family and friends. Most people want to do things with other people and to feel a part of something bigger than themselves. But we can seek solitude which can bring many positive qualities.

I would encourage my clients that mental health and spiritual renewal are to be found in solitude and time with God alone. Take a spiritual break and seek out some solitude.