Seattle Christian Counseling Logo

  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • ADHD
      • Abandonment and Neglect
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Chemical Dependency
      • Coaching
      • Counseling for Children
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders
      • EMDR
      • Grief and Loss
      • Individual Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Lifespan Integration Therapy
      • Men’s Issues
      • OCD
      • Personal Development
      • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
      • Professional Development
      • Psychological Testing
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Spiritual Development
      • Trauma
      • Weight Loss
      • Women’s Issues
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
      • Marriage Intensive
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Couples Counseling
      • Counseling for Teens
      • Counseling for Children
      • Family Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group – Chris Chandler
      • Anxiety and Depression Counseling
        Group for Teens and Adolescents
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Sexual Addiction
  • LocationsChoose from our variety of office locations
    • AnacortesAnacortes
    • Bellevue
    •  1Bothell
    • Edmonds
    •  1Everett
    •  1Federal Way
    • kentKent
    • Kirkland Christian CounselingKirkland
    • Lacey Christian CounselingLacey
    •  1Mill Creek
    • The Rhythm Reset: How to Navigate Boundaries and Stress 1Monroe
    • Oak Harbor Office OutsideOak Harbor
    • Poulsbo
    •  1Puyallup
    •  1Redmond
    •  1Seattle Ballard
    •  1Seattle Downtown
    • Seattle Greenlake
    • Silverdale Office FrontSilverdale
    •  1Spokane
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    •  1Tacoma
    • Vancouver
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CounselorsFind the best counselor for your needs
  • CareersBecome an affiliated Christian counselor
  • (206) 388-3929Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

Sexual Abuse Victims In the Christian World

Seattle Christian Counseling
https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ID-10039990-300x198.jpg 300 198
https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/seattle-greenlake-6-scaled.jpg
https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-cropped-seattle-logo.png
6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B
SEATTLE, WA 98115
United States
6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B
SEATTLE, WA 98115
United States
Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes

Dec
2012
07

Sexual Abuse Victims In the Christian World

Erik Mildes

Individual CounselingSexual Abuse

Forgiveness is not Forgetfulness

It is often said, “To forgive is to forget.” However, is that a fair or healthy approach when it comes to our heart? Are we, in doing so, denying the very core of the pain, hurt, and devastation that crushed our very soul?

When it comes to sexual abuse, holding on to this idea of forgiving and forgetting can be more damaging than beneficial. Simply claiming forgiveness does not help the victim deal with the devastating physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual lasting effects of sexual abuse.

Dan Allender in his book, The Wounded Heart, says, “The unclaimed pain of the past presses for resolution. Denial is not a solution.”

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

Yet, often as Christians, we believe it is our duty to forgive and forget. We hold on to a God of healing and try to live life as if the sexual abuse had never taken place, or as if we had moved on with no lingering hurt from the past, or as if we were not deeply affected – even in our present – by the crime that was committed against our bodies and souls. Somehow, we might even believe that if we do not move on we are not as “spiritual,” or that we did not trust God to heal us completely. We believe we are holding on to what God asks us to let go of. Yet, isn’t that the core of the issue?

Allender continues on, “Hiding the past always involves denial; denial of the past is always a denial of God. To forget your personal history is tantamount to trying to forget yourself and the journey that God has called you to live.”

No, the journey is not the abuse. The journey is the healing process. The true restoration. The experienced of being cared for and carried by God in the midst of the pain and sorrow. It is the journey of going through the tough moments with God. It is about the relationship with him and through him.

We don’t want to question where God was when the abuse happened. We don’t want to hold on to thoughts of, “Why didn’t he stop the sexual abuse from taking place.” So instead, we deny that the past holds influence in our present. We “defend” God, something that people that do not believe in Him don’t have to do since there is no God to question for the “Why.” They openly share and seek healing to deal with the pain. Christians, on the other hand, hold on to the belief of “healing and change” so tightly that they may ignore the process of restoration, or they might not admit to the depth of the damaging effects of the sexual abuse.

Like Dan Allender states, “The Christian community feels disposed to deny any data that points to the thorns and thistles in the lives of those who claim to be filled with the power of God.”

Somehow, the world outside of Christian community is more willing to embrace and acknowledge the effects of sexual abuse in the lives of those that have to go through such a wounding experience.

Instead, Allender urges, “Let us as Christians acknowledge without shame that regeneration does not alleviate, or in fact, diminish, the effects of sin quickly or permanently in this life. If we accept that, we are free to face the parts of our soul that remain scared and damaged by the effects of sexual abuse without feeling that we are denying the gospel.”

Denying the past only hinders us in our journey to reclaim our lives. It starts by admitting that we don’t simply forget, and working through the memories, the pain, the hurt, and the negative impact the sexual abuse had in our lives.

If you find yourself denying the past, and simply trying to forget, please be encouraged that you don’t have to. It is okay and natural to feel the way you do. It is time to face the past and journey into a healing process. You don’t have to do it alone. As a Christian Counselor, it will be an honor to journey with you as you allow the Holy Spirit to transform you and bring real healing to your life. It is never too late; it is always a good time to begin the journey.

________________________________________
Resources: “The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse” by Dan Allender

Images cc: freedigitalphotos.com -“Teenager Student With Fear” by David Castillo Dominici
“Ancient Lock” by Arvind Balaraman

 

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE

The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top
Photo of Erik Mildes
Erik is currently not accepting new clients

Erik Mildes

Licensed Counselor and Clinical Supervisor
(425) 939-9934 erik@seattlechristiancounseling.com

I believe in the healing, transformative promises of Christ. I also believe in His patience, and have had the privilege of seeing God’s grace work miracles in the lives of my clients. As a Master’s level Mental Health Counselor, I’m honored to act as a vessel for the Lord, one that will help you discover healing and growth. I help people recover from issues like abuse, depression, anxiety, broken relationships, spiritual concerns, and more. Whatever you’re going through, I offer you support, experience, and hope for a new, Christ-filled future. Read more articles by Erik »

Other articles that might interest you...

Christian Counseling and Working through Sexual Abuse
Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes

Christian Counseling and Working ...

To study psychological trauma is to come face to face both with human vulnerability in the natural world and with...

continue reading »
Christian Counseling and Subtle Sexual Abuse
Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes

Christian Counseling and Subtle Sexual ...

In my last article on the categories of sexual abuse, I gave an overview of four different types: subtle, confusing, overt,...

continue reading »
How Can Christian Counseling Help With Sexual Abuse and Hopelessness?
Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes

How Can Christian Counseling Help With ...

Victims of sexual abuse wrestle with a wide range of feelings. One of these feelings is the feeling of hopelessness....

continue reading »

About Erik

Photo of Erik Mildes

Erik Mildes, LMHC, MA

Licensed Counselor and Clinical Supervisor

I believe in the healing, transformative promises of Christ. I also believe in His patience, and have had the privilege of seeing God’s grace work miracles in the lives of my clients. As a Master’s level Mental Health Counselor, I’m honored to act as a vessel for the Lord, one that will help you discover healing and growth. I help people recover from issues like abuse, depression, anxiety, broken relationships, spiritual concerns, and more. Whatever you’re going through, I offer you support, experience, and hope for a new, Christ-filled future. View Erik's Profile

Recent articles by Erik

  • May 19 · 5 Practical Steps to Overcome Your Fear of Abandonment
  • Apr 20 · Surviving Infidelity: 8 Steps to Affair Recovery
  • Jun 17 · Four Bible Verses about Anxiety: Scriptures to Comfort You
See all articles by Erik »

Related Services

  • Individual Counseling
  • Sexual Abuse

Erik's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Bothell office

    Bothell

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (425) 939-7959
    10116 Main St,, Suite 204 Bothell, WA 98011

    View Office Details
Seattle Christian Counseling Logo
Seattle Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
Welcome to Seattle Christian Counseling. We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors with more than 20 office locations throughout Washington state for your convenience, including the Seattle neighborhoods of Greenlake, Ballard, and Downtown Lower Queen Anne. We look forward to meeting you soon.
© 2023 Seattle Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
6827 Oswego Place NE, Suite B, Seattle, WA 98115. Tel (206) 388-3929.
Facebook Twitter Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
COVID-19 Service Update: We are still open for business. In office and online counseling is available if needed.