10 Tips to Stop Allowing Negative Feedback to Overwhelm You

Part 3:  Keys to Your Personal Development Success

“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” ? Aristotle

How well do you bounce back from negative feedback? Have you ever come out of a meeting with your boss and felt like a tidal wave just crashed into you? Criticism has
become a bad word in our culture and, instead of welcoming it, we avoid it like the plague. However, if you have any aspirations to climb the corporate ladder, you need to know how to effectively handle negative feedback. Success in the workplace has been linked to those who not only receive criticism, but solicit it. How you choose to view feedback will largely impact how you utilize it. If you view criticism as a death sentence, you will use feedback as a weapon with which to attack yourself or others, or as a wall to hide behind. To help you use to negative feedback to empower rather than overwhelm yourself, here are 10 tips to staying resilient.

1)  Be Realistic

Develop flexible thinking and discard perfectionistic standards. Do you expect yourself to know every answer? Or to do everything and be everything to everyone? Having expectations of perfect performance will only lead to major feelings of inadequacy when negative feedback is brought to your attention. Unrealistic standards will only increase your fatigue, frustration, and discouragement. Redefine success as a commitment to moving forward, even in the face of challenges. Don’t allow the shame of imperfection to hold you back from taking risks.

2)  You are Not the Only One

When receiving negative feedback, there is a tendency to single yourself out as the only one with flaws and to view everyone else as “having it all together.” Remind yourself that mistakes are a normal part of the human experience. Everyone who is doing something that matters will have a turn in the “hot seat.” We are all a work in progress and that is OK. Greatness is really a journey, rather than a destination.

3)  Don’t Internalize Criticism

Avoid internalizing negative feedback. The presence of criticism does not mean a decrease in your personal worth. Eleanor Roosevelt brilliantly said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

4)  Criticism is Not the Final Word

Many people view feedback as a sign of defeat because they fear disapproval and equate mistakes with failure. Instead, redefine mistakes as learning and improvement opportunities. Your past mistakes do not have to define you, but can be used to make you a better person. The only difference between success and failure is the decision to keep on trying again.

5)  Depersonalize Feedback

If you view all feedback as a personal attack, the weight of “not feeling good enough” will crush you. To help remove the stinger out of the feedback, try to depersonalize it by adopting an objective viewpoint. For example, imagine your feedback as if it was given to someone else, or look at the situation from the messenger’s point of view.

6)  Keep Feedback in Perspective

Avoid making “all or nothing” judgments about yourself, such as “I am either good or bad.” Keep the negative feedback in proper perspective. Don’t make a global assessment about yourself on the basis of one piece of information. At the same time, don’t gloss over glaring realities.

7)  Don’t Be Afraid of Truth

You don’t need to be afraid of honesty, for the truth set will set you free. Those who care about you will tell you the truth, no matter how much it may hurt. Too often, we get so lost in offense or shame that we miss the fact that feedback is a gift of grace; it is a second chance to fix mistakes, resolve bad behavior, and improve.

8)  Success is a Team Sport

Pursue feedback. Ask people what you can improve. The more feedback you hear, the more you become accustomed to it. The more you receive, the stronger you will become. Find a mentor and build a support network. Surround yourself with individuals who will inspire you to become your best self, people who will call out the treasure in you but not tolerate dysfunction. Make sure to seek out people with perspectives different from your own. We are usually intimidated by those who are strong where we are weak, but those are the people we need to align with in order to succeed.

9)  Cut Ties with Approval Addiction

Negative feedback can devastate people. But, why is it so powerful? Bill Johnson said it best, “If you don’t live by the praises of men you won’t die by their criticism.” Approval addicts need other people’s validation in order to feel good about themselves. They worship man’s opinion and are tied to whatever people think about them. I am not saying that enjoying affirmation is wrong, it just needs to be in its proper place. Otherwise, your self-esteem will be at the mercy of every negative comment that comes your way.

10)  Be Your Best Encourager

At the end of the day, I need to be believe in myself and take responsibility for managing my own self-esteem. No amount of encouragement will ever be enough if you are not convinced of your own value. Embrace the truth that it is God’s opinion that is the most important.

Christian Counseling for Personal Development

Some of you are moments away from greatness, but are too afraid to step into the spotlight because of criticism. As a Christian counselor, I encourage you to stop hiding from your destiny. Take a risk to step out of your comfort zone and let people see the real you. Maybe the first step is coming to therapy and being honest about your fears. I would be happy to set up an appointment with you to see how I can help.