A Christian Counselor Talks about Personality Traits that Perpetuate Anxiety, Part 2

Part 2 of a 2-Part Personality Traits that Perpetuate Anxiety Series

If you are on a quest to find relief for your anxiety, you first need to be aware that those who suffer from anxiety often share common character traits. Some of these are positive, for example, intuitive ability, emotional sensitivity, and empathy. Other traits tend to increase a person’s anxiety and interfere with their self-worth and confidence. In Part One of this series, I discussed the first two of four personality traits that anxious people often deal with, namely perfectionism and an excessive need for the approval of others. This article will consider the final two personality traits that can perpetuate anxiety.

Personality Trait 3: Ignoring Physical and Psychological Signs of Stress

Individuals who suffer from anxiety are often out of touch with their bodies. To the extent that you are out of touch with your body, you may ignore an entire range of physical symptoms that surface when you are under stress. Examples of physical symptoms that denote stress are fatigue, headaches, a nervous stomach, tight muscles, diarrhea, ulcers, and hypertension ̶ to name a few. The problem develops when you ignore these symptoms and keep pushing on, without taking time out or slowing down. Many individuals with anxiety have a history of pushing and overextending themselves. Driven by perfectionist standards, they keep striving to do more and more for those around them ̶ trying to fit too much into too little time.

Your ability to work through your anxiety depends to a large degree on managing and coping with stress. And to do so requires that you recognize your own symptoms of stress and take steps to do something about them. Possible steps may include learning relaxation techniques, exercise, fun activities, time management, constructive self-talk, expressing feelings, learning assertiveness, developing self-nurturing skills, good nutrition, supportive social interaction, recreation, and so on. You need to do this in order to ensure that stress does not intensify.

Stress can reveal itself not only in the form of physical symptoms but also as emotional and psychological symptoms. The psychological symptoms are a direct indication that your nervous system is overtaxed. As already discussed, not being in touch with your body may cause you to miss the physical symptoms of stress. Understanding your psychological symptoms is even more difficult

because they are so much a part of your immediate experience. Because you are too busy, rushed, preoccupied, and driven, you may not recognize these symptoms, or you may choose to ignore them. Handling stress involves two steps. The first is to recognize and identify your own symptoms of stress. The second step is to make a decision to not ignore them.

Personality Trait 4: An Excessive Need for Control

The excessive need for control makes you want everything in your life to be predictable. At times, it drives you to have all of the bases covered, instead of letting go and trusting in the daily process of life. Often an excessive need for control has its roots in a person’s personal history. Having lived through experiences where you felt frightened, vulnerable, and powerless, it is easy to grow up feeling defensive and vigilant. Overcoming an excessive need for control takes time and persistence. Dr. Edmond Bourne shares four strategies that will be helpful to people dealing with this challenge.

Step #1: Accepting the Unpredictability of Life

Acceptance involves learning to live more comfortably with the unpredictability of life. This includes the unexpected changes that occur daily on a small scale and, less often, on a large scale.  It is inevitable that you will experience changes in your environment. These changes can range from the ways others choose to respond and behave, to your physical health that you are unable to predict or control. You may have the resources to cope with some of the changes, but you are not going to be prepared for many of them. Life dictates that at times it will be chaotic, disordered, and out of control. Developing acceptance means acquiring a willingness to take life as it comes. Rather than fearing and struggling with those occasions when circumstances don’t obey your expectations, you can learn to go with the change.

There are various ways in which to enhance your acceptance. One way is to let go of perfectionism, as I discussed in my previous article. Another way is through a willingness to let go of unrealistic expectations. Doing this can save you a lot of disappointment. Learning how to relax is another important key. The more relaxed you are, the less likely you are to be fearful and defensive when things suddenly change and don’t go your way. Finally, having a sense of humor toward life can be very helpful. Humor helps you to step back when everything is out of control and to gain some perspective. If you can remain relaxed and laugh a little at situations that appear out of control, your response begins to change from “Oh my God!” to “Oh well–that’s the way it goes.” Acceptance ensures that you will be able to cope better and sooner.

Step #2: Cultivating Patience

People who have an over controlled approach to life’s challenges want them all figured out immediately. Yet realistically, you and I know that many of the things we encounter cannot be worked out quickly. The pieces that contribute to a solution come together gradually over time. Developing patience means allowing yourself to tolerate temporary awkwardness, confusion, and ambiguity while you wait for all the necessary steps of the solution to unfold. As you develop patience, you learn to let go and wait for an answer to emerge.

Step #3: Trusting that Problems Will Eventually Work Out

Developing trust goes along with cultivating patience. There is a good chance that the solution to the problem you face will not appear easily or quickly. But always needing to see in advance how something is going to work out can make you very anxious. Developing trust means believing that most things will eventually work out. Either a solution will be found, or, if the problem cannot be changed externally, you will learn to adjust your attitude toward it so that coping becomes easier. When you look back over the problems you have encountered in your life, you will find that, in most, the problem eventually worked itself out.

Step #4: Developing a Christian Worldview

A worldview is the framework from which we view reality and make sense of life and the world. For the Christian, this comes from belief in God and His redemptive plan through His Son Jesus Christ. It is based on a Biblical worldview found in the infallibility of Scripture. When you believe the Bible is entirely true, then you allow it to be the foundation of everything you say and do.

Developing your faith offers at least two ways in which to reduce an excessive need for control. First, it gives you the option of letting go of any problem that seems overwhelming or worrisome and handing it over to God. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you relinquish responsibility for handling problems that come up in life. But it does mean that there is divine assistance to support and assist you in life’s daily challenges. Faith enables you to let go of the idea that you have to fully control everything.

Secondly, your faith can reduce your need for control by helping you to recognize that there is a larger purpose in life beyond the challenges that life brings. If you believe there is no spiritual foundation to reality, you can feel alone and distressed because life lacks purpose and does not provide you with a foundation for meeting life’s many challenges.

Christian Counseling Can Empower You to Confront Your Anxiety

The steps shared in this article have real relevance for someone dealing with anxiety. You have taken the time to read this, now consider how these steps apply to the challenge you face with anxiety. Perhaps the next step could be to call me, and see how Christian counseling can be a powerful step toward breaking free of anxiety. If you would like to find out more about Christian counseling, please contact us here.

 

References
Bourne, E.J. (2010). The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, (5^th ed). Oakland: New Harbinger Publications.

Photos
“Dangerous Risk Adrenaline Suicide by Fear of Falling,” by epSos.de Flickr CreativeCommons, (CC BY 2.0);  “Destitute Dock,” by Tom Butler, (CC0 1.0) Unsplash.com