Grief and Loss: Grieving a Loss of Purpose

We often don’t realize until we’ve lost it, but it’s a great gift to be able to get up in the morning and have a clear sense of why. Challenges come across our path, and they may leave us reeling for purchase and trying to retain some semblance of normality. One of the possible casualties during turbulent times is a person’s sense of purpose. Finding yourself, carrying on, and redefining your purpose, are difficult but necessary tasks at that point.

The loss of purpose is connected intricately with grief. It can be a result of grief, but it can also be a source of grief by itself. If you find you’re grieving a loss of purpose in your life, know that there is help available, and you can turn things around.

What is grief?

One way to describe grief is to recognize it as the emotional suffering you experience when you encounter loss. It’s a natural response to loss, and it is part of how we begin to cope and adjust to life under a different set of circumstances. One of the most powerful and difficult questions that grief asks is, “What now?” In the wake of the loss, things change – perhaps drastically – and you must figure out what comes next.

The word “loss,” particularly when it’s attached to grief, is most closely associated with the death of a loved one. Loss, however, can refer to many other things that are significant in one’s life. Your life is composed of relationships, work, the things you hope and dream for, and much else. Losing these things that matter to you is a real loss, and such loss can cause grief.

As such, grieving can happen when something you cared about, falls through or is taken away, like dreaming of enrolling at the college your parents attended. Your sense of reality – what anchors you – may feel lost, and grieving is the natural response to that loss. When you grieve, you allow yourself to feel the gamut of emotions attached to the loss, and you begin to process that loss and find ways to keep going.

Grieving a Loss of Purpose

When you lose something that matters to you, the healthy and natural response to that is to grieve. Losing a loved one or something that you cherish can bring about many things, including the loss of a sense of purpose. Losing your sense of purpose is itself a loss that occasions emotional pain, and yes, grief. Thus, a loss of purpose is both a source of grief and also one of the symptoms of grief.

If you’re someone’s parent or spouse, losing that person and the relationship can leave you feeling lost at sea. You understand yourself as your daughter’s parent or as the wife/husband of your spouse. Now, you somehow need to pick up the threads of your life and keep living in the absence of that relationship.

When you lose the things that matter most to you, you experience emotional pain and distress that’s rooted in the fact that you may feel like you don’t have a meaningful goal or direction in life. Those things, whether it’s a loved one who has died, a relationship like a marriage that’s ended in separation or divorce, losing a cherished home or job, or facing retirement, can disrupt a person’s sense of purpose and identity.

A person’s loss of purpose can thus be traced to circumstances such as job loss, retirement, changing to a less fulfilling role, the death of a loved one, divorce, major health issues, and going through life stages such as the empty nest stage or reaching other major milestones. A loss of purpose can occasion grief – a normal emotional response to a major life transition, and a valid experience.

One way to think about purpose is to see it as the thing that gets you going. It’s the reason you can push through hardship, the motivation for your actions, plans, dreams, and hopes. Losing your purpose can thus be devastating.

What It Feels Like to Lose Your Purpose

Loss can be quite hard to stomach, and it’s not just because we are creatures of habit, and loss necessitates adapting to a new reality. Loss is painful because we are being detached from something that matters in itself and for us. Losing your purpose, the stuff that drives you and gives shape to the course of your life, can be profoundly unsettling and disorienting. Losing your purpose rocks the foundations of your life.

For each person, losing their purpose will feel different, and it will also depend on whether the loss is localized or extends to every facet of your life. Losing your purpose can leave you feeling hollow and empty, with a void that you struggle to fill. You may find yourself feeling disoriented and uncertain about the future. Without a driver, you may also feel uninspired and anxious about the future and your place in the world.

Loss of purpose can also leave you questioning who you are, including deep questions about your values, principles, and beliefs which may feel out of alignment with where you are currently. If your loss of purpose is connected to an area like work, you may experience fear and worry about the relevance of your skills, contributions, or the worth of your experience.

Not only that, but a loss of purpose can also leave you feeling physically drained and fatigued. Being in a state of purposelessness can be emotionally distressing, and this can translate into physical tension, muscle strain, digestive issues, disrupted sleep, changes in appetite, and feeling restless or agitated.

A loss of purpose will leave you questioning the meaning of life. It’ll leave the sensation of being lost, aimless, and unmotivated in its wake, and it can put you at greater risk of anxiety and depression. It’s important to grieve these things, to allow yourself to feel them and process these thoughts, emotions, and sensations. Don’t pretend you’re not experiencing them or attempt to gloss them over.

Coping Strategies for Loss of Purpose

As with any loss, the way to deal with it is to allow yourself to feel the loss and gradually work through it all as you figure out how to cope and keep going. This isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary work.

Some of the coping strategies that you can implement to work through your loss of purpose include the following:

Reflect The loss of purpose can make you pause and reevaluate the course of your life. You can take stock and try to examine what gave you purpose in the past and go on to try and identify new areas of passion and purpose. This could include new activities like hobbies, volunteer work, and new skills that you can explore in the process of rediscovering yourself.

Learning new things and taking on new projects can help you reignite your passion and interest in life and the things that make your life worthwhile.

Set achievable goals As you rebuild, it may be helpful to go ahead without waiting until you can do an entire overhaul of your life. By setting small and achievable goals for yourself, you can build a sense of accomplishment as you rediscover, recharge, and begin finding fresh focus on what matters most to you.

Take each day as it comes The situation you find yourself in right now isn’t what your life will be like forever. Take each day as it comes, doing the best you can to put one foot in front of the other. As one person put it:

This is where I am right now: convalescing from the gut punch of my loss. Maybe blah is just the stage I have to be in. Maybe it’s OK that I’m just faking it until I make it. I’m taking care of myself, taking care of my dog, letting feelings wash over me as they will. I’m showering and eating dinner and meeting work deadlines and doing crossword puzzles. I read books and watch TV. It’s a life of sorts. Maybe my purpose, for now, is just putting one foot in front of the other. It’s not exciting, to be sure, but I have to trust that it will eventually take me somewhere. – Sophia Dembling

Trust that the Lord has a purpose and plan for your life, even if you can’t see it clearly right now. Lean on His wisdom and keep going (Proverbs 3:5-6; John 15:4-8; 2 Corinthians 5:1-10).

Find ways to connect with others Even though things are in flux, there is always value in building relationships, participating in group activities, and joining communities that align with your values and interests, even if you are reshaping or rethinking these. Instead of being adrift, having a place to stand as you figure things out can be beneficial.

Getting Support

On your journey, give yourself grace as you figure things out. You don’t have to do things by yourself. Seek support from loved ones, but also from a mental health professional like a therapist or counselor. In this challenging time, your counselor or therapist can be a helpful sounding board and guide as you rediscover yourself and your sense of purpose.