Why It Can Be So Hard to Move On From Trauma

There is an old proverb that says, “Time heals all wounds.” While this is a comforting thought, unfortunately, it is far from the truth. It may seem logical to think that as you leave a traumatic event behind and move on with your life, you will automatically begin to feel calmer, more stable, and safer from harm.

However, the effects of trauma do not work in the same way that common memories do. The reason why it can be so hard to move on from trauma is that trauma often leaves an imprint in your physical body, rather than in your memory alone.

Defining Experience

Trauma is a deeply complex subject, and affects different people in different ways. What is deeply traumatizing and unsettling to one person might not even register for another. This is often the first hurdle we face with trauma: we underestimate a situation, and as a result, we can’t understand why we are still so affected by that one experience from so long ago. Two siblings can grow up in the same household and have vastly different experiences.

For example, a family might relocate to a new area for work. That in itself is not an unusual thing. The parents needed to maintain an income to support the family, and they moved to a place that allowed them to do just that. However, months after moving, they might be surprised to find that one of their children is exhibiting new and concerning behavior.

The child begins having nightmares, wetting the bed at night, and becomes increasingly more withdrawn. On the surface, it seems like nothing traumatic has happened, but at a deeper level, the child is experiencing many things that they can’t articulate or understand.

At its most simple definition, trauma is something that makes you feel unsafe. In the above example, the young child is traumatized because he was forced to leave his school, his hometown, and his friend group, while the adults and older siblings took all the changes in stride.

A traumatizing situation makes a person feel vulnerable, exposed, uncertain, powerless, and hopeless. This is far more than just a feeling. It is a collection of physical sensations that have more impact than thoughts and memories.

A Living Database

Have you ever tried to recall a piece of information that you’ve forgotten? You might close your eyes and imagine flipping through a filing cabinet of memories as you try to find the right one. Much like a diary or journal, most people tend to store all types of information in their memories, like an internal file system. Over time, however, thoughts, memories, and simple experiences fade like photographs or get lost like old postcards.

If you have grown up in a Western culture, you probably imagine that thoughts take place in your brain, while feelings and emotions reside somewhere in your heart or soul. People like dealing with thoughts because we all know what a brain looks like, and that makes for a more tangible topic. However, when we come to talk of the heart or the soul, things become more vague and harder to define.

The language we use regarding emotions is not helpful when it comes to dealing with trauma. Many people don’t know how to handle their emotions, let alone how to describe them, or what to do with them.

From a scientific and medical point of view, every emotion you experience is a physical sensation that takes place in your body. These sensations come from the experiences you have and the way you interpret information. This usually happens before you have processed the information in your brain.

For example, you might be walking home alone late one night when you begin to notice that all the hairs on your body are standing up, and you have goosebumps. Your breath quickens, your heart starts beating faster, and you feel the urge to run. This is the emotion, or physical sensation of fear. Your body has interpreted the situation as potentially dangerous and is preparing you with chemicals and hormones to survive or fight off an unseen attacker.

All of your thoughts, memories, experiences, and emotions are stored in your body and distributed as sensations via chemicals in your central nervous system. The happy memory that brings a smile to your face, the sad memory that brings a lump to your throat, and the traumatic memory that makes you feel angry, alone, or unsafe are all living sensations in your body. This is one of the many reasons it can be hard to move past trauma.

Unexpected Triggers

It is common to put a traumatic experience behind you and move on, only to be triggered and feel like you have made no progress at all. Trauma triggers have a way of diminishing a person’s self-esteem and minimizing their achievements. While trauma triggers can be devastating and frustrating, they also show how trauma resides in the nervous system and cannot be forgotten like a common memory.

It used to be that only soldiers and war veterans were diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. They would be triggered by loud noises, familiar smells, or random stimuli that made the horrors of combat feel present again for them. We now know that many people experience PTSD, regardless of the nature or intensity of the trauma they faced.

Trauma is not something that can be neatly packed away. It is a sensation of feeling unsafe that persists even when the traumatic events have passed. If you have ever experienced a trauma trigger, you might feel frustrated, ashamed, or even afraid as you realize that an event in the past is reaching out and affecting you in the present. There is nothing to be ashamed of, however.

You might have been triggered in an ordinary situation, such as being in a supermarket or doing something routine at work. Being triggered by a past trauma is just proof that there is something unresolved in your past that you can no longer ignore. You are not guilty of anything, and you are not weak for having been triggered.

A Time Paradox

Even long after a traumatic experience, the memory and emotions of that trauma live on in your nervous system in the form of physical sensations. Though days, months, and decades might have passed, your nervous system doesn’t know anything about calendars, and it remembers every dramatic experience as if it happened yesterday.

Each time you are ignored, shouted at, physically handled, or you find yourself in a familiar, harmful situation, your body relives the familiar and painful experiences as a way for you to survive once again. Your nervous system isn’t logical, and can only draw upon past similar experiences to keep you safe, even though that is what makes you feel as if you are stuck in the trauma.

Healing, like trauma, is a complex thing. It helps to talk about your past experiences, and certain forms of counseling and therapy are often necessary. However, what you need most to heal from trauma is to have the physical sensation of safety. You need to experience this calm, peaceful, healthy sensation not just once or twice, but over and over again until your nervous system is flooded with new, positive experiences to relive.

There is no way to know what you need most, because your experiences and perspectives are unique. However, the best way to move on from trauma is to acknowledge it. You don’t need to dwell on past experiences, and it is best to consult a mental health professional.

No good comes from pretending awful things never happened. There are generations of people who are causing more damage as they age simply because they refuse to acknowledge their traumatic experiences. You can be the change, and you can start today.

Your next step could be meeting with a counselor. If this is something you would like to do, please reach out to us. We will assess your needs and connect you with someone who can help.