How Gratitude Can Help You Cope with the Five Stages of Grief

The stages of grief are well documented and researched. For many people, they can be a road to a healthy understanding of loss. Using them to frame your experience of loss can be helpful. If you are a person of faith, you can use gratitude as the key component for working through all five stages of grief.

Grief and lament are not separate from gratitude and thanksgiving. You may think that because you are in a season of loss that you can pass on practicing gratitude. A lot of dark thoughts in a season of grieving can lead to bitterness and resentment rather than the eventual hope of joy and peace.

Five Stages of Grief

Experiencing the five stages of grief does not make you a broken person, nor is it something you can rush through. With the right tools, you can learn how to work through the process in a way that is healthy and compassionate.

Read through these passages and maybe keep a gratitude notebook or journal as you work through each stage.

Denial

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. – Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, 4

If anyone ever told you that your life was going to be all sunshine and roses, you were badly misled. Loss is a part of everyone’s life eventually. No amount of money, medicine, skill, or knowledge will prevent you from experiencing loss and grief.

Knowing that God has ordained all of this is the first step in acknowledging his goodness. Goodness is not limited to joy, peace, or an easy life. You have not been singled out in the experience of loss. Learning that all times and seasons are from God, is the first lesson in gratitude. You must learn to thank God for all things, both hard and happy.

Giving thanks for something terrible is difficult. It’s okay to want it to be different. But be grateful that God is sovereign over the cycle of life and death, joy, and mourning. He has not separated himself from it.

Anger

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. – Philippians 4:6, 8-9

Anxiety comes from feeling like you are not in control of a situation. This can also lead to feelings of anger. When you are grieving the loss of a loved one, you may also be angry because you could not control the outcome, and this is not the result that you wanted.

 

If you are not giving thanks for the goodness of God, you cannot know the peace of God. You are fighting a battle of control. If you want to know peace, you need to learn to be grateful for the true, lovely, and noble things in your life. God knows what you want, and he knows whether it will draw you closer to him or cause you to be satisfied in your own strength. If you are angry because you did not get what you wanted, you will not be able to heal from your loss.

Being grateful goes a long way toward coping with anger and anxiety. Learning how to see the good things, even in small ways helps you work through the feelings of anger in this hard season of life.

Bargaining

Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

You cannot offer anything to change a loss. You will not reverse death, and you cannot make anyone change their minds, especially God.

Instead, change thoughts such as “If only I had done…” or “If I just do this one thing… to have more time” into prayers of gratitude, such as:

• “Thank you for the time I was given.”
• “Thank you for the words, the hugs, the relief from pain and suffering.”
• “Thank you for this moment.”

Nothing you can say will change your loss, but you can change your attitude about the loss. You can eventually learn to see the good gifts you have been given in particular moments in time. It will keep you grounded in the present rather than fighting for an outcome that has no guarantees.

Depression

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. – Matthew 5:3-5

Jesus is full of compassion. He understands heartbreak and sorrow. He does not expect you to be happy all the time. You have been promised comfort, which may take the form of medications, healthy food, and quiet rest at home. It’s okay to need time and space – they can give you the time to learn how God will comfort you.

 

Perhaps you rely on the helping hands of others to manage daily life. You can receive the prayers and support with gratitude for the people who are willing to weep with you, and the ones who are willing to let you be sad and messy.

No amount of ugly crying will drive away those who love you, including God, and you don’t need to hide your sorrow from Him. Give thanks for the kindness of God in allowing you to have your grief.

Acceptance

And Nehemiah continued, “Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the LORD is your strength!” – Nehemiah 8:10

You do not have to grieve forever. There will be a time to move on from the heavy weight of loss and grief. When that happens, you must continue to practice gratitude because the goodness of the Lord has sustained you through a season of heartache and sorrow.

Your loss is not diminished by finding joy in the Lord, but rather it is given greater significance. He has shown you his goodness, given you his peace, seen you through the times of trying to control things on your own, and comforted you in your deep sorrow.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. – Psalm 107:1

The process of grief is not something to fight and reject. It is like floating down a river in a raft. You have to go through rapids, highs and lows, fast and slow water. If you fight the river you can end up shipwrecked, causing yourself great harm. However, in the hands of a trusted guide, you can go down the river and arrive safely at your destination.

Christian Grief Counseling

God is our guide down the river of grief. Even when all is dark and overwhelming you can express gratitude to him for something. He has promised to never leave or forsake you and to carry your burdens with you. If you are a Christian, your heartbreak is seen and known by Him because you are His beloved child.

If you’re looking for additional support navigating the five stages of grief, I invite you to contact our reception team to schedule an appointment for grief counseling. We would be honored to walk with you through the grieving process.