Overcoming Shame

Shame. It can stop you from moving forward, stealing your dreams, and robbing you of the loving relationships in your life. But how do you overcome it? How do you move past the guilt, or the shame of being a victim, and reclaim your purpose? Is overcoming shame even possible? How do you come out on the other side, especially if people are throwing your hurt or your mistakes in your face?

The good news is that there is another side. Overcoming shame requires you to identify the root of shame and move through it (not around it) with God’s grace and strength. You can overcome shame and use the feeling to propel you into your purpose.

The Origin of Shame

Shame originated with the first sin. God created the world and everything in it, including the first human beings, Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve, although they were naked and vulnerable, felt no shame. Not until Eve ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and then shared the fruit with Adam.

The Bible tells us that suddenly, their eyes were open, and they knew they were naked. They covered themselves and hid from God, ashamed of their nakedness and what they had done.

Thank God He didn’t destroy the entire world and start over when Adam and Eve committed that sin. God loved them despite their sin and although He disciplined them, He never left them or their descendants. He is still with us today.

The Causes of Shame

When guilt is rooted in the fear of God, conviction follows, leading to repentance. When you do wrong to someone else, this guilt urges you to make it right, first with God and second with the person you sinned against.

However, guilt can lead to shame when it is rooted in fear of man. Embracing this type of guilt creates unhealthy shame. The truth is that your mistakes do not define you. Even if what you did was a decision, it does not change who you are in Christ.

He made you a new creation and knew you before you were formed in your mother’s womb. Do not make the mistake of assuming that you must earn God’s favor. If He hadn’t loved the world, He would never have sent His Son, Jesus, to die for sinners. But He did. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice and rose again so that you could be free from the bondage of guilt and shame.

Shame Destroys Relationships

One of the ways that shame destroys relationships is through the fear of vulnerability. If you have been hurt or betrayed in the past, you may find it difficult to trust others. Perhaps you go as far as to recognize opportunities to get ahead regardless of how it hurts others.

Though this kind of manipulation is at root a sort of idolatry, it can also function as a defense. You are afraid of being weak and your sense of self-preservation is high. This can lead to the destruction of personal and social relationships.

How can you overcome this fear? Even when we rationalize our actions, God knows the heart. Learn to turn to Him to meet your needs and to come to your defense. In the Bible, God instructed the Hebrews when the Egyptians trapped them at the Red Sea to just stay calm for the Lord Himself would fight for them. Learn to trust God with everything, big and small, and then He will bring others into your life on which you can depend.

Shame Destroys Self-Worth

Shame robs us of self-confidence and self-worth. This circles back to confusing what you have done with who you are. It is a “looking inside” of yourself instead of practicing humility and serving others. When we consistently look inward, we take our eyes off God. We focus our attention on the problem and the guilt.

By accepting the role of servant as Jesus did when He washed the feet of the disciples, our focus turns to others. It may sound paradoxical, but serving others rebuilds our own self-worth and confidence, overcoming shame in the process.

Forgiving Others

Harboring resentment, jealousy, bitterness, and anger will only lead to shame. Overcoming these emotions that are eating away at you will require forgiveness. This is not an easy task. It will require you to face those feelings and their deeper root causes, bringing them to the surface, and repenting of them.

There may be circumstances where you can physically tell someone that you forgive them. There may be other situations where that is impossible. Forgive anyway. Forgiveness is possible with God’s grace and mercy. Allow His love and grace to penetrate your heart and mind. He will fight for you and serve justice in His own time. But His grace and mercy will always cover His children.

Scripture Verses for Overcoming Shame

Because the Bible is God’s word, it is our guidebook to life. It cuts deeper than any double-edged sword. It is the living, breathing, and active breath of God to give us wisdom, comfort, and peace. When you accept insight from the Word, it convicts you of your sin, driving you to prayer and repentance, followed by healing.

The following scripture verses are from the New Living Translation, but feel free to look them up in your favorite translation or write them on index cards to carry with you.

I cling to your laws. Lord, don’t let me be put to shame! – Psalms 119:31

Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood. – Isaiah 54:4

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. – Psalms 34:5

We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. – Hebrews 12:2

And now, dear children, remain in fellowship with Christ so that when he returns, you will be full of courage and not shrink back from him in shame. – 1 John 2:28

Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours. – Isaiah 61:7

But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. – 1 John 1:9

For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. – 2 Corinthians 7:10

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. – Romans 12:2

Overcoming Shame

Sometimes trying to overcome shame can feel like an uphill battle. However, you are not alone. Consider asking for outside help. You can approach the pastor or a leader in your church, or you might want to consider speaking with a faith-based counselor. These counselors are professionals who are objective, discreet, and use Bible-based principles to help you overcome shame as well as trauma and hurt.

You must grow in your relationship with Christ to fully heal emotionally and spiritually. God’s grace is the prescription for all of life’s hurts. Reach out today for help to get to the root of these feelings of shame and move forward with your life.