Symptoms of Separation Anxiety in Relationships and Tips for Coping

Separation anxiety is an unusually strong feeling of fear, anxiety, and/or panic that comes upon you when you are separated or anticipate being separated from someone to whom you are attached. It is a feeling that goes far beyond just missing him or her, and can be so intense that it affects your wellbeing and makes it hard for you to function in your day-to-day life. Separation anxiety is most common in childhood, but can manifest in adult relationships as well.

Separation anxiety in adults versus children.

Separation anxiety is a normal stage of development in babies and toddlers, but older children and adults may experience it as well. One of the main differences between separation anxiety in relationships of children and adults is the object of their attachment.

In children, separation anxiety usually manifests as an extreme fear of being away from their parents or caregivers. Younger children may cling to their loved one and scream or cry. Older children may be reluctant to go to school or participate in events such as sleepovers at a friend’s house, or summer camp.

Adults with separation anxiety, on the other hand, fear being separated from an important person in their life such as a child, partner, or loved one. Instead of not wanting to go to school, they may be reluctant to go to work or on a business trip.

Symptoms of separation anxiety.

• Fear of being alone or abandoned.
• Fear that your relationship is going to end. 
• Feeling anxious when the person you are attached to leaves the house.
• Fear that something bad is going to happen to the person to whom you are attached.
• Fear that factors beyond your control will separate you from the person to whom you are attached.
• A need to know where the person of your attachment is at all times when you are apart.
• Physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, nausea, rapid heartbeat, and/or trouble sleeping.
• Unbearable anguish even just at the thought of being separated from the person to whom you are attached.
• Fear of engaging in routine social activities that require time apart from the person to whom you are attached.
• Feeling lost without your person of attachment.
• Nightmares about being separated.
• Intense anxiety when separation is necessary.
• Panic attacks when you are unable to reach the person to whom you are attached.
• Inability to stop thinking about whether or not the person of your attachment is safe when you are apart.
• Difficulty concentrating when you are away from the person to whom you are attached.
• Fear of sleeping alone.

Tips for coping with separation anxiety in relationships.

Remind yourself that the separation is temporary. The person to whom you are attached will come home.

Limit your check-ins. Worrying about the person to whom you are attached and checking in on them constantly throughout the day can drain your energy, affect your concentration, and interfere with your own daily routine. Instead of giving in to the urge to constantly text, message, or call him or her, set a limit on the number of times you will communicate and stick to it. Text once or twice a day, for example, at a specific time such as your coffee or lunch break.

Let worries float by. Acknowledge worries that pop up, but then let them float by. If you consistently refuse to engage with them, it will weaken their hold on you. 

Do something active. Doing something can help take your mind off of your anxiety. Call a friend, work on a hobby, take a walk, or do something on your to do list, for example.

Share your anxieties with your person of attachment. When you avoid talking about your anxieties they are likely to intensify. Talk to the person to whom you are attached about how you feel. Let him or her know how difficult it is for you to deal with separation or even just the thought of it.

Journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings and get them out of your head.

Focus on the other relationships in your life. A good way of dealing with separation anxiety is to spend time with other people. Have lunch with a friend, or invite a neighbor over for coffee, for example.

Take time for self-care. Focus on your emotional and physical needs. Things that enhance your wellbeing such as regular exercise, eating balanced meals, indulging in a facial or a manicure, can all help you manage your anxiety more successfully.

Practice relaxation techniques. Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and mindfulness can help ease your anxiety. So can soothing activities such as taking a relaxing bath or listening to music.

Practice separating gradually. Gradually expose yourself to being separated by doing things alone like going for a walk alone, or doing your grocery shopping alone.

Focus on the positive aspects of your life. Do things that make you happy, count your blessings, and replace anxiety filled thoughts of all the things that could go wrong with joyful thoughts and memories.

Reach out. Join a support group and/or talk to a trusted friend or family member.

Consider counseling. You don’t have to suffer in silence. A trained mental health professional can help you work through your issues, learn coping skills, and find ways to feel secure and comfortable when you are on your own.

Bible verses to help calm you when you are feeling anxious.

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. – Psalm 94:19, NIV

Take your anxieties to God, and He will renew your joy.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. – Matthew 6:34, NIV

Worry will hold you down, but prayer can lift you up. 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. – Philippians 4:8, NIV

Thinking about the positive aspects of your life can reorient your focus. 

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39, NIV

Take comfort knowing that nothing can separate you from the love of God when you feel anxious.

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? –Matthew 6:27, NIV

Worry is a waste of time, but it can be a trigger to pray and connect with God in deeper ways.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7, NIV

You can throw your anxieties on God as if you were throwing a fishing line into a pond or river, far away from you.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7, NIV

Anxiety can serve as your call to pray, give God thanks, and ask him for what you need in the moment.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. – 2 Timothy 1:7, ESV

You are not a slave to your anxieties; instead, you are a beloved child of God who can overcome in his power.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30, NIV

Jesus wants to offer you rest in exchange for your anxiety that feels so heavy.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. – Psalm 55:22, NIV

God will sustain you as you hand your anxieties over to Him. 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27, NIV

Choose the peace you find with Jesus over the false peace that the world offers you.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. – Philippians 4:13, ESV

God will empower you to overcome your separation anxiety.

If you have questions or would like to set up an appointment, please don’t hesitate to give one of the faith-based counselors in our online directory a call today.