Swipe Right: Encouragement and Insight for Singles Seeking Marriage

Many singles question if they will ever marry or when God will intersect their path with the right one. It is a reasonable question, as the God of the Universe has enough concern about each of us to number the hairs on our heads. Yet, when dating apps fail and romantic relationships evade, we often question if the desire even came from God.

Unfortunately, in some faith circles, singles who are younger and older, are often chided and shamed for not only marriage as a natural and pure desire but also the intimacy that we anticipate. If we cannot explore these issues within faith spaces, it leaves room to wonder where we can get honest with God and others about legitimate needs and desires that God created.

Dissolving our desires for marriage does not serve God or satisfy us. He wants to give us good things that fulfill His plans for the family of humanity. We don’t have to recoil in shame from a legitimate desire to connect. This doesn’t make us bad people. Instead, it demonstrates our humanity and God’s creativity.

He often works through our desires to reveal His intention for them in our lives. How else would we walk out His intentions for being fruitful and multiplying families and purposes that honor God? The purpose of consecrating our desires to the Lord is not so that He will remove them, but rather redeem them and accomplish His ultimate, eternal aim.

Redeeming desire

Jesus’ teachings reveal that believers are to prioritize God’s Heart above their own (Matthew 6:33). It doesn’t mean that God wants to eradicate what we want if it is good for us (Psalm 84:11). Rather, He wants to be first such that we don’t idolize the creation more than we worship our Creator (Romans 1:25).

We might be surprised to discover that the delight we take in Him permits God to populate our hearts with desires that He is committed to fulfilling, with our faith and partnership.

Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalms 37:4 NASB2020

Could it be that God is the One who has actually given the desire to pray for this? We can recall Hannah who desperately wanted a child (1 Samuel 1). The torment from her husband, Elkanah’s second wife, vexed her severely and drove Hannah into despair to the extent that she abandoned the desire for some of the years that the family came to sacrifice at the temple.

Yet, as she sought the Lord in prayer, she received affirmation, from Eli, the temple priest, that God would answer her heart’s desire.

God answered what He placed in Hannah, giving her Samuel, as the first among several sons and daughters. He eventually became a prophet, born and released at the right time to anoint the kings of Israel who would precede Jesus, the Messiah.

When we recount this story, it is undeniable that God is aware of the desires that emerge from His Heart. It wasn’t that God was denying Hannah’s longing for a child, but rather intersecting it with Israel’s need for a leader. God doesn’t torment us to manipulate our desires or behavior, but He will reveal what we need to discover about Him and ourselves as we go through these challenges.

Redeeming time

He wants to give us good things more than we can embrace and accept. He uses waiting times to bind our hearts to His (Isaiah 40:31). In the meantime, between promise, prayer, and the end of the process, He employs wilderness seasons to purify and prepare us for what’s to come.

If God has placed the desire for marriage in our hearts, it is no different. He makes us ready to receive and steward the glorious covenant and connection that illustrates a picture of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:26).

When we consider that God has an eternal longing that He’s planted in, there is little wonder why our heart’s desire continues to present itself persistently. If it were something we manufactured, we might be able to resolve ourselves to abandon it. However, when God originates and orchestrates a desire, it will not give us rest until we follow Him in faith to our expected end (Jeremiah 29:11).

It is our evolving partnership with Him that develops us until the desire manifests in our lives as our reality. We can redeem the time or season of singleness by seeking and submitting to His purpose and aligning our attitudes and actions to reflect His vision (Ephesians 5:16).

Just because marriage hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean that God is ignorant or unfeeling. He works beyond our senses and perception to introduce us to a reality that we haven’t encountered (1 Corinthians 2:9). What we’re experiencing isn’t exclusively about us, but rather about God and His faithfulness.

He is in covenant with Himself to uphold every Word that He has established (Numbers 23:19). Where it concerns us, He guarantees every promise as good, even as we deploy faith to speak and take Spirit-led action.

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.” – 1 Corinthians 2:9, ESV

Redeeming reward

In Christ, we are the beneficiaries of the guaranteed promises of God (2 Corinthians 1:20). Even while we may experience some measures of frustration and disappointment in our dating or non-dating experiences, we can realign with the Lord, allowing our hearts to be recalibrated and refined.

When we esteem what God values, by obeying Him, sharing our gifts with the world, and extending His kingdom to others, He adds to our lives. Things may vary from one believer to the next, but the Father knows His particular thoughts and plans for us individually. If marriage is part of that, then God won’t stop until what He seeded in us comes to fruition.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. – Matthew 6:33, ESV

What God has spoken concerning us is undoubtedly reserved and already settled (Psalm 119:89). Redeeming the reward of His promise isn’t just about waiting for that special someone to magically appear. Sometimes, we get lost in the longing and forget the love we first had for our Savior.

Jesus described this human proclivity as He addressed the Ephesian church (Revelation 2:4). They exhibited what Christ wanted along multiple dimensions, but they cooled in their passion for Him.

Although God rewards, answering prayers and fulfilling desires, He doesn’t do it at the expense of our relationship with Him. He won’t compete with the idols vying for our affection, but He will respond when we turn to Him in repentance and ask Him to renew our love. He causes us to esteem Him as our true Reward, far outpacing what any potential spouse could do (Genesis 15:1).

He doesn’t seek to take away our desire for marriage but to recognize that He must come first. When we surrender what we want, even as Hannah did, we get to experience the richness of God answering our deepest longings with Himself and entrusting us to steward the gift of relationship with another.

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. – Hebrews 10:35, NIV

Next steps

What God can do in our yielded hearts and desires is the fuel that sustains us in singleness and carries us into marriage. Our desire becomes more about Him than it does about us. It’s the lesson that Hannah gleaned, and we can, too.

Wherever you are in your experience with singleness, take courage and a moment to secure an appointment with one of the counselors on this site. What God is inviting you into may be more about planting your heart with desires that answer an eternal adventure that you have yet to discover.

If you need help sorting your feelings and desires to see how they align with God’s promises, we are here to help. Reach out to our office today to speak with a trained Christian counselor.